User Profile

16-year-old male from Alexandria, Virginia. Give me an IM at exxkon if you want to chat.

JUDAISM
Although much smaller than real people, Jews must never be confused with Smurfs, as the two have had a much troubled and bloody history. Jews are completely unaware of the existence of Jesus, as they are too lazy to read the bible all the way to the end. They borrowed my Pavement CD and never gave it back.

HINDUISM
Hindus, or Buddhists, as they prefer to be called, ride around on cow's backs all day. They think they're so great. Hindus were out at the pub last night. They were wasted. They stayed really late. I mean, I left at about half one, and the Hindus we're still going strong. They all called in sick today. Big surprise.

ISLAM
Muslims, ya gotta love 'em. Or they'll kill you. When they reach maturity, all Muslims are commanded to drive up a mountain in their four wheel drive off road vehicles, or "jihads", and catch a crab. Only then will they achieve their beards. All Muslims can fly.

CHRISTIANITY
Christians like Jesus. No, I mean they really like Jesus. They're nuts about him. They can't get enough of him. It's all "Jesus this" and "Jesus that". They're totally gay for him. Why don't they just go and marry Jesus, since they love him so much. I mean, Christ, get a room already.

SCIENTOLOGY
Scientologists like to lure people into their big tent for cakes, and then hit them with sticks. They like to sneak into your house when you're not there and fuck with your shit. Scientologists like to rape babies, then kill them, fuck the corpse, eat it, shit it out and then fuck the shit.

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