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| Monday, February 23rd, 2004 | | 9:42 pm |
Hey y'all. If you haven't caught the good word yet, I've got a Xanga now. So this might be my last post on LJ. My Xanga's http://www.xanga.com/exxkonSo anyways...life is good. Tiring, but good. Let me make a short list of things I need to get off my chest: o Metrofinals is coming up! I'm getting major ready...but I feel much better with the toned down rehearsing I'm taking...rather than burning myself out. I'm hitting at the big points, I'm not frustrating myself to death, and I'm starting to feel stronger and better everyday, rahter than the other way around. Wow, what a weekend can do. o I should talk with Ashley and see if she's all right with the OO situation. I mean, she's probably aware that our two speeches have some obvious parallels...and I don't want her to take the fall for it. SO i'll talk with her, sort things out, make things better. The mature, manly thing to do. o I should REALLY, REALLY drop those bad habits of mine. I tell myself everyday that this'll be the day when it'll stop...but I never take have the discipline to do it. Boy, that sucks. o HOA's a bummer. Reading, reading, reading, project, outline, reading, IB outline, reading, project...etc. etc. etc. You get the schtick. o Finally, another good list of things I like: Wilco Forensics Being Happy Good Music Tea Massages Warm Feet Laughing at Quirky Things Appreciating Life for What it Is Going with the Flow SEP Pillow Fights The awesome Venus Flytrap HI My HI My OO Good friends, good people, good times Goooooood. Current Mood:  content | | Wednesday, February 4th, 2004 | | 11:39 pm |
So....what? I got 2nd in OO and The Zoo Story got 4th at the VHSL One-Acts Festival. And no matter how much I justify that I was set back by the snow, or the judges weren't good enough, or I was unfocused or underprepared or overconfident...it's still a disappointing day, nonetheless. I don't know...maybe I'm just setback by all of this into a state of depression. Maybe I just need more discipline. Shit. Let me just get up on my feet and do this better. So, that's the end of that. Let's move on. And make it better. Everyday's the toughest day of my life. | | 11:39 pm |
So....what? I got 2nd in OO and The Zoo Story got 4th at the VHSL One-Acts Festival. And no matter how much I justify that I was set back by the snow, or the judges weren't good enough, or I was unfocused or underprepared or overconfident...it's still a disappointing day, nonetheless. I don't know...maybe I'm just setback by all of this into a state of depression. Maybe I just need more discipline. Shit. Let me just get up on my feet and do this better. So, that's the end of that. Let's move on. And make it better. Everyday's the toughest day of my life. | | Monday, February 2nd, 2004 | | 11:34 pm |
| | Friday, January 30th, 2004 | | 11:14 pm |
Well, here we are again. And once again, I'm back to preach my revelations to y'all. So, to make a long story short... I was struggling with my American Legion speech. I didn't have any passion in it. So I put some passion in it and it sounded so much better. Moral of story: Find passion in everything you do. So American Legion districts are tommorrow, and I'm helping with the Edison tourney tommorrow morning. Dude...I think I have Metrofinals angst. It's weird. I so have the desire to kick ass at MetroFinals, just so I can prove to myself that I can do something like that. But enough of my jibba-jabba. Let me bring back the list of good things: High Fidelity Soundtrack The Boyfriend (come see it at EHS, 4/22-24!) Tangerines and Clementines Deniz Free blocks TOK Aveeno Lotion Yssa (of course) Comedy Central Oreo Ice Cream Junior's DI The fact that I have awesome, supportive people all around me. Especially my parents. And my teachers. Fuck, I'm such a suckup. But I'm glad to have everyone by my side. The story of Jason and the LJ. The end. | | Saturday, January 24th, 2004 | | 10:30 pm |
Well, I only write in this journal when I'm depressed or frustrated. Not to get all depressed and frustrated on everyone...its just a vent. So Guv School Auditions were today, and I was nervous as shit. DIdn't do as well as I hoped or planned. It's tough, man. It really is. The past few weeks have been pretty crazy...for the most part, I've been all right at handling it. But not as well as I wish I could. And not as well as before. Well, I took the SATs, and at least I feel confident in THAT. But now, as I'm working on The Zoo Story, I feel like I'm back to the same old style of doing it. It doesn't sound good, it doesn't run with my objectives or what's going in my head. The mind isn't running while I'm doing it. What am I to do? I'm strong enough to do these things. It's just that...the motivation is lacking. It's tough getting motivated. I need a break? No. I need a breakthrough. | | Thursday, January 15th, 2004 | | 12:29 am |
Let's talk. So I went to a forensics tournament today. A funny thing, actually...let's see what I have against me: 1) I've been nursing a cold since Sunday, so 2) I'm totally unprepared, 3) I'm totally stuffed up, 4) I'm totally unfocused, 5) all this increased my nervousness, 6) I was doing Impromptu for the very first time. So, alas, I would have a bad tournament. Well, not really. I definitely was REALLY unfocused, and somewhat nervous about my HI, and the stuffiness from my cold was kicking in and out throughout rounds. But still, I got 2nd in HI and--get this--1st in Impromptu. Now, even though I did have some phenomenal success, I still know that this was my WORST tournament of the season--I just wasn't ready for it. And not just because of my cold either. I need to put in more strength in my speaking. And I need to find passion from it again too. I have passion when I'm prepared. A confident passion...it's a wonderful thing. But I think that I just have to slow down...the next two weeks are going to be phenomenally crazy for me, and I need to learn some way of finding passion in this fast-paced world I'm going to have to deal with. So that's my goal for the month of January. Find passion in fast pace. How am I going to do that? Well...let's find a way. | | Friday, January 9th, 2004 | | 10:37 pm |
OK, So I came home from the Java Jam, hoping that I would write some big emotional breakthrough about my life in the past week...but nah. To conclude: take it slow. Live for the present. Take it one step at a time. Forensics tourney tommorrow. Wish me luck! | | Thursday, January 8th, 2004 | | 10:03 pm |
I'm having the strongest self-doubts I've had in the past 5 months. Who am I to do 6 competitive events in the next 4 weeks, while taking the SATs, auditioning for Governor's school, and trying to wrap up the first semester with decent grades? My dad just ripped apart my speech. Wonderful. And I'm running out of time to work on my HI. I need to run it through. I promised myself I would. But it's hard to find the inner strength to do it. I need confidence. And motivation. I need help overcoming the enormous obstacles ahead of me. I'm sorry if I sound too grandiose or poetic for anybody's tastes. That's just what I need to say. I'M FRUSTRATED BEYOND LIVING HELL. | | Tuesday, January 6th, 2004 | | 10:55 pm |
I'm frustrated. Out of my mind. I'm feeling weak. I can do all of this work, and get all of this stuff done, and accomplish tons of crap...but I'm feeling weak man. Someone motivate me. That would be awesome. I'm out. GOtta get back to speechwriting. | | Friday, December 12th, 2003 | | 9:59 pm |
I'm exhausted. It's all mine. My bench. Myyyyyyyy bench. Give me my bench, dammit. Forensics tournament tommorrow. Wish me well. | | Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003 | | 12:32 am |
Stupid questions I'd like answered about me. Why do I feel the need to have Ms. Hunter approve of everything I do? How come Ms. Mustard tells me how to prioritize my life instead of letting me do it for myself? Why am I losing that giddy, carefree feeling I had when I got back from camp and went back to school? Why am I no longer as focused on all the important things in my life? Why is it that whenever I try and slow things down, something sneaks up on me and reminds me that life is never slow? Why can't I listen to all the things people are telling me? Where the hell did my motivation go? Why am I so jealous of other people doing more successful things than I am? why can't i just let go? ...and fuck...ok. the end. I wish I was back at SEP. So boo-hoo...I do sound like a whiny teenager. But shit...I can do better man. I can do much better that where I'm at right now. Oh well. Back to HOA essay writing. Gimme some sleep...someone, please. Current Mood:  sleepy | | Friday, November 28th, 2003 | | 11:11 pm |
You know, I'm sitting here and I'm trying to think of items to add onto my Christmas list. And you know what? There's almost nothing that I really desperately need or want. And that makes me feel happy and content with what I have. And that's an awesome feeling. When you're already happy, and you don't need material things to make you happy...I don't mean to talk like some existentialist bullshiter but it's true...I'm really happy with what I have. Great friends, great education, great family, great food...did I mention I'm going out with Lily as of Monday...or Tuesday, I forget...yeah, it was Tuesday. Well, the only things I can really want nowadays are things I have to sincerely work at. So I guess I better get back to those things. Adios. Current Mood: content | | Wednesday, November 26th, 2003 | | 11:02 am |
Well, things are the good old, same as usual. Nothing in particular to complain about. I could use some more sleep though...I've had only 12 hours in the past 3 days... But I'm glad Thanksiving is tommorrow. And I'm glad that I get a 4-day weekend, just to breathe a little bit, get some sleep, and then focus on finishing all this schoolwork that I have. HOA Research Paper, English Party Project, Newspaper Deadline, One Act Lines...etc. etc. etc. I'm going to go home after school and take a nap. And then maybe call Lily or something of that sort. Current Mood: content | | Sunday, November 16th, 2003 | | 12:43 am |
Fuck...I've found myself buried under a heap of schoolwork...and I should be strong enough to get myself out of this. I'm worrying. I'm stressing. I'm feeling weak...I'm trying so hard to handle this, but I'm having this creeping feeling that I can't... God dammit. I'm sorry to anyone who I've alienated in the past week. It's been a long long week, and the stress has been piling up. It's not just the amount of work...it's how I'm perceiving it. It seems like this mountain that's impossible to overcome...too many obstacles to face. When I walked into school this year, I was strong, I knew I could handle things, I was motivated and eagerly ready to face everything, without this feeling of weakness and uncertainty. It's suffocating...it's putting a damper on everything I do. I'm perceiving everything as stressful...and I don't like it. And I keep telling myself that it'll all go away by winter break--but I'm sure that it'll still be lingering around. I need to relax. I need to deal with everything one thing at a time. I need to get things done, and with a positive attitude. Wish me luck. :-) Current Mood:  worried | | Sunday, November 9th, 2003 | | 11:18 pm |
OK, So i feel sort of in the mood to be reflective and all...so here goes. So in the words of Yssa the Redhead Vegetarian...How's life? Life is good. Nothing to complain about. I feel ecstatic right now...I just finished the Great Gatsby, and the last chapter was AWESOME. Before I thought, "Eh, Gatsby's allright..." but now, it's like "Geez, Gatsby's good..." The last chapter really wrapped things up for me...and I got a better sense of what Fitzgerald was trying to say through writing it. I saw two Cappies shows this weekend with Deniz...what fun! CRITICS TEAM!!!! And they were both excellent shows...I saw Stage Door at SSSA on Friday night. An excellent show overall, they made good use of the stage, though I thought the lead actress was pretty weak. And then off to Woodbridge for You'z a Good Dawg Charlie Brown. Cabaret theater style, so they sat us up on the stage at tables, and they served us drinks and dinner and popcorn and all...and the show was excellent. A very intimate feel, great song and dance, great timing on behalf of the orchestra with the actors...you'll read it all in my review. That is, if it gets published. Which hopefully it will, for both of them. UMmm...school is good. I got straight As for the first quarter except in IB Chem II...what a killer. You know, I really don't want these good grades to shoot up to my ego...everyone's commending me on how I'm so smart because "I got the only A in my HOA class," or "I can manage my time so well...god Jason, you do SO much? How do you do it?!" I just don't want to grow overconfident and cocky about it, that's all. I wanna stay in touch with the roots and all that. It's a good feeling to stay in touch with the roots. And all that. Things are excellent. A bit stressful at times, especially with one-acts and thousands of lines to memorize...but I'll deal with that as it comes. I'm gonna run off and practice my speech a bit. Geez....SEP is still awesome. Current Mood:  happy | | Wednesday, October 29th, 2003 | | 1:36 am |
Dude, I love these lyrics. They're so awesome...so captivating.
Wilco - Radio Cure Cheer up, honey, I hope you can There is something wrong with me My mind is filled with silvery stars Honey, kisses, clouds of fog Shoulders shrugging off Cheer up, honey, I hope you can There is something wrong with me My mind is filled with radio cures Electronic surgical words Picking apples for kings and queens of things I have never seen Oh, distance has no way of making love understandable Cheer up, honey, I hope you can There is something wrong with me My mind is filled with silvery stars Honey, kisses, clouds of fog Picking apples for the kings and queens of things I've never seen Oh, distance has no way of making love understandable | | 1:32 am |
T.A.T.U is somewhat addictive. Anyways, things have been going allright since I wrote my last LJ. The play performed and closed...a wonderful time, standing ovations every night. But I still don't think I'm at that level of acting that I've always wanted to be...there's still this huge wall that I have to climb over that's restraining me from being emotionally free...it's a bummer. And I don't feel like I've ever really put myself through Hell to be good at theatre...I mean, when I do forensics, I come home everyday and do 2 straight hours of practicing almost every day before comps, and for journalism I have to stay after until 6 and deal with Ms. Mustard and my fellow, stark-raving mad editors (which I did today). But with the productions, the lines come easy to me, and everything I usually do is within the realm of the theatre, not outside at home. I just need to find a way to overcome this big barrier that's stopping me from becoming the actor I want to be...and I think if I wanna do this, I gotta start stressing a bit more. Personally, I've never really stressed about a show...they've always, always been enjoyable experiences. But I don't know, let's see what plays out... Some random thoughts from the show: I feel damn sorry for David Arvelo, and I really don't want him turning into any Ryan Ricks or anything. He's a very talented kid, and he's got a TON of heart and passion in him...maybe it's the pot that's getting it all out of him. He seems so dependent on the shit...breaking down on Saturday night because he didn't have enough, then having crazy moodswings at the cast party. I just hope everything works out for him...and I don't hope the whole clique atmosphere that's starting to rise out of our theatre department will discourage him from pursuing his dreams. Anyways, David...I'd say lay off the pot. If you're so dependent on a drug like that, it's better to learn to deal that show that you're weak and just go right back to smoking it. Other thoughts....me and Hieu were discussing the whole clique atmosphere that's coming out of our theatre dept on Friday night at Silver Diner. And personally, I really hate it...last year, I just couldn't deal with the whole Senior Crew shit in theatre. I was so submissive to them...and what to do about it? Be outcasted from the big group? Not me, I couldn't bear it. And I don't want to go through it again with the sophomores this year...the theatre department is becoming less of the family feel when I came in freshman year, and now it's just an elitist feel...the us and them shit. The seniors leaving the cast party for Silver Diner? And Brittney with them?! No fucking way. Not on my time. We're suppose to be a family, man...and I know a lot of us are busy with a whole bunch of other crap, and a whole bunch of things racked up with UCANT, like casting and such...but I'm missing the tight communal bonds between everyone. And I don't like it. And that's more of a reason to love Hieu Tran. Cuz we make it funky! Lily called me last night...what a pleasant surprise! I feel this crazy attraction with all these new girls in theatre...Lily, Sam, Alexx, Crissy. Hot damn! And Fur Elise...The testosterone is on overtime. What else...hardcore newspaper session from 2:30-6 today, and 3:30-6:30 yesterday. So much stuff to be done...but my section still looks good. I think I produce a better section if I cram it all in at the last minute. Newspaper's about procrastination, man...maybe that's why I don't want to be a journalist when I grow up. I'm always aiming for timeliness, and newspaper totally defeats that purpose. Oh well. I saw Genevieve and Pistachio from SEP at Friday night's UCANT! Dude, I love my SEP buddies. I would give an arm and leg for anybody from SEP...no joke. Such a great time...it's been 3 months and I'm still not over it. School's going allright. I spent most of my time tonight finishing up my Spanish presentation, then doing HOA reading and Chapter 5 of Great Gatsby. The good thing about this year is that I've been able to remind myself, whenever schoolwork gets rough, that I'm a strong person, I can do this, and I'll become a better person from doing this. Boy, do I fucking love to feel like Superman. And the first quarter's almost over man...Hey Full IB, BRING IT ON BITCH. Going this weekend to see Ben Folds with Deniz and possibly do a visit down to William & Mary...hopefully. My parents are hesitant to stay overnight. Shit fuck piss. Enough about my rants. Here's a list of things I like. Basement Jaxx Staying up at 1:30 AM on a school night writing LJs Hieu Tran, Hieu Tran, Hieu Tran Zen (for sane people, it's so awesome) 24 (season premiere was tonight! jack bauer on heroin? kim with her crazy hairdo...tons of crazy dead bodies just lying around. what an awesome show) Gerod Phillips, just cuz he can never say anything more to me than "sup jason" in the hallways Oranges Good Ice Cream Fuck, that's all I can think of. Leave me a comment. | | Sunday, October 19th, 2003 | | 9:56 pm |
Eyyyyyyyy!!!
Alright, the only reason I'm updating this is because I've gotten so many people talking to me about how crazy they think I am now after reading my LJ. Here's a list of those people: Hieu Deniz Kaitlin (who i now know knows about my LJ because she showed it to Deniz) Damn straight. So I thought rehearsal went pretty well today...the first act is awesome, I love it baby. But then it slowly goes downhill into the second and third acts. God dammit, some people just need to get their lines down and/or get focused. It's tech week, it's time to start putting the play first. Well, go see it anyways. The play is You Can't Take It With You...it's extremely extremely funny, funnier than anything else I've been in. It's opening this Thursday at 7:30 pm at the Edison Auditorium and runs until Saturday. Tickets are $6 for adults and $5 for students...if you need directions or just want to say break a leg or pat me on the ass cheek or something, go ahead. IM me or e-mail me. Hopefully, we'll get our act together by Thursday. I'm crossin my finger baby.... Sooooo...life is good. I've been pleasantly surprised at how well the past 7 weeks have gone. Homecoming was awesome...though we lost miserably, I got to be on the float as Frankenstein (second year in a row I'm green!). And we won most of our Homecoming competitions except Follies...which I was in charge of. We got second, but first originally...damn recount. Anyways, dance and dinner were nice, I went with the big sophomore crew to Landini Brothers in Old Town. What a riot those guys are. And then the dance was alright...I still felt sort of tense for some reason, maybe it's because 358320850923 people were crammed into the cafeteria once again. And then afterwards I went and got tipsy at Deniz's place...good times man. IB Chem II is the 9th level of Hell. Just had to say that. What else...let me keep elaborating on my big list of things I like. Victor Pisconte. Yaaay for Victor. We have like 3 classes together and we've really gotten to know each other better this year. it's awesome. Java Jam. I performed again, and I attempted a session of blueshorse which miserably failed. But people laughed and now everyone who went thinks I'm a bigshot. Stop it from letting it shoot up to my ego. Ms. Hunter - dude, HOA's been kind of rad recently. Now that I've gotten in the swing of things, it feels a lot like a college course...like a ton of history geeks who did their reading. HOA's kind of fun now for some reason...and I love how Ms. Hunter gives me tea. Oooooh...teeeeea.... Hieu Tran - today at rehearsal, me and Taylor were cracking up after Donald's entrance in Scene 2 of act 1. "Was the ballet nice?...That's niiiiiice." Hahahahah...you just had to see it. Bend It Like Beckham. I just saw it last night...what an awesome movie. I luuuuv it. Allright, that's it from me. I'm gonna go and work on my NHS invite. Adios. | | Friday, September 5th, 2003 | | 11:37 pm |
"Mob warfare is strung out in lullabies, Twisted in the minds of our founding fathers, Rotting in the souls of the tarnished youth. Can we come home to the truth?" I've been cast as Paul Sycamore! Not the part I wanted, but a part nonetheless. Deniz is my wife, JenBen and Brittney are my daughters (how the hell did one of my daughters get black?), and Will Hicks and Lance Schumacher are my son-in-laws. Taylor's my father-in-law...geez, what a fucking crazy family. We need some order here people. Ehhh...things are going well. I'm really tired, though. I just got home from a football game...we lost, 20-19 to Chantilly. I primarily wondered around with Gary Bikcen while he took pictures and hung out with the Bennified crew (that's Katie's new nickname for JenBen). OK...let me get something done with homework here. G'night. |
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